September 5, 2021. Looking for the bright side.

Charmin, our 14 year old dog, has liver cancer that has spread to lymph nodes. It is a large, aggressive cancerous mass (11cmx12cmx9cm) that is resistant to chemo. She is now on palliative care. Al estimates less than 2 months left. Vet says let’s take it week by week.

Al told the kids. Kids asked several questions about why we can’t do surgery, then nodded, understanding since we had already gone through this all in January with our other dog Q-Tip and when we had to put him down. Currently this news has been hardest on me (Mom).

For other pet owners who ever have to face this awful moment, “Lap of Love” offers vet services with home hospice and home euthanasia that is compassionate, caring and helpful, especially in a COVID era when you want your family to be there.

Alyssa got more routine lab work done. Sadly, kidneys are not looking normal anymore as more protein is leaking again. Al reassured me to look at the bigger picture, that her numbers will go up and down and that it is good as long as the overall trend is improvement. So again, we hold our breaths and wait again for the next doctor visit and next lab tests on another 6 weeks. Even with this leaking again, if I look back, this still would have counted as the tremendous improvement I was hoping for.

Alyssa is starting to get mosquito bites and asking questions about what will happen now that proteins are leaking in her kidneys, or if she gets infected. So please pray for her peace of heart as she wrestles with worrying about her health.

It’s hard for us to look for the bright side, when we thought things were good and now disease has returned for both Alyssa and Charmin. As someone once told us, we have choices. So we look at these moments and try to choose: will we be consumed by grief about Charmin’s prognosis or be thankful for these days and cover her with love? Will we remain discouraged about Alyssa’s numbers or turn to God and walk in faith? Ok honestly, I’m trying to look on the bright side but I am in a weird swirly mix of dark moments and bright moments.

This is my struggle and heart’s desire, these verses. “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:4-9‬ ‭ESV‬‬